Stealing and Annalakshmi

Two recent conversations (one was posted on fb, but reposting here as a memoir).

A conversation with Nidhi after I lost my phone recently:

Me: I lost my phone

N: Oh, let us find it

Me: I don't know where it is, it fell on the road

N: So you cannot see your phone again, I cannot see your phone again?

Me: No

N: Why?

Me: Because someone else found the phone, took it, liked it, and did not return it back to me.

N: Oh, ok. (After a pause). Its okay. We will find someone's phone and keep it for you.

Me: Uhm, well, if we find someone else's phone then we will try to find whose it is and return it.

N: Why?

Me: Because otherwise, they will feel sad just like I am at having lost the phone.

N: (After a pause) Ok, if we find someone else's phone, we will go to their house, keep it with us for sometime and then give it back, and then we can come home.

Well, everything is so simple and yet so complex

A few days ago we went to a restaurant called Annalakshmi and she saw a big bronze statue of annalakshmi. The following conversation ensued between me and her.

N: Amma who is that?

A: That is annalakshmi.she is the goddess of food and gives us our food. (attempting to explain who Annalakshmi is!)

N: But how can she give us our food?

A: she gives us sun, rain, seeds and helps us grow our food

N: But how does she gives us all that? (Amma is shaken, but fortunately finds some ground again!)

A: well, actually whoever gives us food on any day is our annalakshmi

N: Oh, ok. So if rupa aunty gives us food then

A: she is our annalakshmi

N: If satish appa gives us food

A: he is our annalakshmi

N: but boys cannot be lakshmi. only girls (Ok, amma again shaken...)

A: Oh, so then if satish appa gives us food then he is anna satish appa

and on we went making everyone anna this, anna that :)

Dancing, acting, and living

It has been a very long silence on Nidhi's blog, but life has been full of action and sounds at her end :) I have slacked on not updating the blog. So here are some snippets from the last 7 months!

We have been going for many dance performances. Whenever I can find one which is a group performance we go and she thoroughly soaks it up. Now-a-days we have a dance performance almost everyday at home. She will dress up, use props, set a stage, put music and dance. And a lot of her moves are becoming refined, fluid, and creative by the day. We are into a lot of acting the books we read (i am so sleepy, where is my tail book, lion and mouse story, hat seller story, etc etc.), taking on different characters, saying dialogues. It is so much fun.

She has become a problem solver. One day, she wanted me to blow a balloon, which I did. Then I asked her to get me some thread. She thought for a second and said “amma, noolu illai, ana rubberband irruku” (amma i dont have thread, i have rubber band) my first reaction was, oh that wont work, but then I said, okay get it and we will try. So we did and what a find. This is the best way to tie a balloon, can be taken off easily the balloon for reblowing!

Fascinated with birthing, babies, feeding, everything about the body, where babies come from, where kaka and chu chu come from and so on. She also wants to know where everyone's appa and amma are. When my father's death anniversary ceremonies happened she had lots of questions about why he died, what happened to him, why cant we see him again and so on.

The other day I could not breathe because of weather related asthma and she asked me, enna acchu, I told her I am not able to breathe with my nose. and instantly she said, here take my nose, now you can breathe. I was zapped and almost in tears!

Nidhi has decided not to go to school, so we are on an extended vacation. She is quite comfortable about her decision and so are we. In the meantime, I have got an opportunity to teach a class at a college, so I told her about it and that I am going to teach and we had this conversation

Amma: I am going to hyderabad to teach uncle and aunty

N: Why?

Amma: because they want to learn, like you want to learn mopping, sweeping etc.

N: Why?

A: Why do you want to learn?

N: Because I don’t know and I want help.

A: Appadi thaan avaal kum.

N: what do they want to learn

A: Research methods in education

N: they dont know

A: No

N: You know

A: Yes, just like your chitti’s in school know.

N: But you dont go, you are not chitti, you are my amma

A:yes, i am your amma, but their chitti

N: yes, ok. when will you come back? :)

Yet another funny conversation

N: I love bananas

Amma: oh, good. bananas give you iron and calcium

N: Oh but iron will be hot no? [referring to the iron box]

Amma: Not that iron, not the iron box, but the iron that your body needs

N: Oh :)

So long for those stories. Will be back with more soon.

Small stories

Nidhi is now three and this is such a wonderful age. Soon she will be telling me what to write :)

She is exploring writing and drawing big time. Everyday she draws squigglies and has a story for it. She is also picking up a lot of English as well. So many many changes, which I cannot describe elaborately. So here are some stories :)

I was having some medicine (that looked sticky, and brown)

Nidhi: Amma, eppadi irruku? [Amma how is it]

Amma: Kasappa irruku [It is bitter]

Nidhi: Yuck-a? [It's yuck]

Amma (with a surprised look on her face): Yuck na enna? [Yuck means?]

Nidhi: Yuck na stinky poo [Yuck means stinky poo]

We got Nidhi a meccano set in mail. She wondered what was inside and we said to her "lets open it and see." She opened it and said, "wow, bubble wrap, appa you got it from the office for me. " A reminder for us that children enjoy the simplest things the most!

Satish cut his finger.

Nidhi: Appa enna aachu? [Appa what happened]

S: Adi pattichi [I bruised my finger]

N: Adi apadale, cut ayiduthu [Appa, you did not bruise it, you cut it]

[yes, ma’m as accurate as it gets!]

Nidhi and I hiding under the blanket

N: Amma close properly

A: Why Nidhi?

N: otherwise poochi’s (insects) and mosquitoes will come inside our house

A: J

Nidhi and patti were playing with Dora matching game. Nidhi initially decides to explore it the way she wants. Then somehow they begin matching and Aunty kept saying correct for every match. The next day she wants to play again and she says

N: nee inge kezhe vandu okkaru, naan match panna odane “correct” sollu [you come and sit down next to me and every time I match you say correct] J 

Nidhi is a lot into playing role-play games with her soft toys. Take them to the bathroom, feed them, give medicines, make them sleep, make food for them, and on and on. Pooh bear misses her when she is away, pooh bear misses its mom and dad, all kinds of things emerge! She can play for hours and hours with her soft toys, making houses out of cushions, hiding them, hiding with them, talking to them, and on and on. It is such a joy to watch her without her knowing ofcourse, because the minute she knows I am watching, she is not into her play.

The other day she brought a hand towel placed on a sieve and said "here, I made marzwangan kurma for you to eat" What imagination. Marzwangan kurma is a dish that is talked about in one of her favorite books mazoo mazoo published by tulika publisher.

Today, i was grating and she wanted to watch me grating. Perhaps because she wanted to closely observe how I was grating. She specifically asked for it. 

N: Amma ne grate pannardu ennaku theriyalai [Amma, I cannot see you grating]

A: So you want to watch me grating

N: Ya

I can go to

Usually amma takes me with her to her meetings or appa or patti stay behind with me. Last week amma had to go for a meeting that she could not take me. So we had this conversation

Amma: Nidhi, I have to go to a meeting today and appa has to go to office, so will you go with I & R to children's park, or you can play at their house with them.
Me: No, I don't want to, I want to come with you
Amma: But at this meeting lot of people will be talking and you will not have anything to do and I can't spend time with you.
Me: Then appa can stay with me
Amma: Appa is having work at office today. But he can finish his work and come to meet you at Children's park.
Me: No, I do not want to go to Children's park alone (i.e. without appa).
Amma: Okay, lets wait and see what we can do.
[Appa went for his bath, and after a few minutes...]
Me: I can go to Siva mama and Shilpa mami's house
Amma: [with a zapped look on her face that I have made a suggestion that may work] Okay, so if I drop you at their place, will you stay there till I finish the meeting and come to pick you up? Appa or I will not be there.
Me: [excitedly] yes, i will be there, i will play in the pool, play with ben etc etc. [amma is amused that i am planning :)]
Amma: I have to check if they are at home today. So let me call them.
Me: Okay, call them and find out.

So you see these days, I am totally into negotiating and planning things for myself and others. It is super fun!

Resuming after a long silence

I know it has been a very long time since Anita wrote on my behalf. She says that so many changes are happening with me on a daily basis that she is unable to keep track of one thing to write. Oh well, what a challenge I must say. In any case here are some updates from my end since it has been a very long time.

I had a wonderful 2^nd birthday celebration with several relatives and friends. We have a couple of short video clips of those celebrations and I love watching those again and again and again. I get excited about every one else’s birthday. I keep asking amma and appa when their birthday is, when pooh-bear’s birthday is (yes! You see pooh-bear has to have a birthday) and so on. After my birthday we have celebrated amma’s birthday, deepu’s birthday and sandhya’s birthday. Ohhh, I love birthdays – actually I love cutting and eating the cakes J

We also shifted to a new house and I like this place. I want everyone to come to my new house (pudu veedu). Sometimes I do remember my old house and want to go there. Anita Amma tells me that someone else stays there. How is that possible? That was my old house. She said that the next time we go to that part of town we will knock at the door and see who is living there now and ask them if we can go in for a few minutes. I like the terrace here and running all around. A few days back when I went to Subha’s place (my perima) and I asked her if I can sleep on the terrace. She was amazed that I remembered our terrace-sleepover at their place. Anita says I have a very very sharp memory. I do remember a lot of things from very very long back and make connections with what happens now. Amma says she often finds it difficult to figure out what I am referring to, but mostly she figures it out. Satish has a bit of a difficult time and often needs Amma’s help. [you may have noticed that I have started calling many people by their names!]

We have also been traveling a lot and I have made several kitten and cat friends. And how much I love water. The last week at Siddamma’s farm, I did not want to come out of the water sump even after 45 mins! And I went in again for a second round of water play after a break. Hee Hee Hee J Show me water anywhere. I also helped with some farm work there. I also went to a mango farm and loved the mangoes there. In general, I love mangoes.

I have been taking the train a lot these days since we shifted to our new house in Velachery and I totally love the train. I also like the bus, sometimes the auto. Plus going on my appa and amma’s bike/scooter as well. The other day Amma and I had a small fall (I did not get hurt). From then on, I have been reminding amma to go slowly and not too fast.

I talk a lot these days and have also started telling people stories and jokes. The other day Anita and I were going to the train station on her scooter. Suddenly she turned around and told me that she forgot to turn towards the station and was going in another direction. Thankfully she remembered and turned back to go towards the station. But I found this very funny and I told this funny story to everyone – of how amma wanted to go to the station, but forgot to take the road to the station, and instead went somewhere else. [amma station ponum na nenecha, ana marandu poi near poita, approm thirumbi station pona]. All this with a lot of laughter, and giggles. In general I find it funny that amma/appa think they are doing something, but are doing something else, and then remember what they were actually supposed to do! Weird right. How can they be so un-mindful and forgetful J

So let me tell you a story before I leave.

Oru kaka irundathan. Patti dosa vathuntha. Kaka dosa saputhu thagam eduthuthan. Patti pakathalai oru panai irunthuthan. Kaka pane kulle vai uthuthan. Ulle pole, pakalthalai kallu irunthuthan, kallu eduthu dang dang nu adichithan. Panne odanchu thanni vella vanduthu. Kaka, thanni kudichi poiduthu.

[There was a crow. Patti was making dosas. Kaka ate the dosa and felt thirsty. There was a pot of water near patti. The crow put it’s mouth inside, but could not drink water. So it found a stone, hit the pot, and water came out. It drank the water and went away.]

Oh, and I went for a haircut recently and did not cry J And I can identify salons from a distance. The other day I saw one on top of a building and told amma – “ange hair cut pannuva le” [they cut hair there.] just by the look of the shop name board and the shop without looking inside.

I will be back with more stories. 

Stories that matter

Nidhi is fast becoming a story teller and commentator. Her first story was a sentence. "Patti dammu" - meaning patti fell down. One of our neighborhood patti's slipped down a couple of stairs and had a small fall. Nidhi saw that and it stayed in her mind. So it became a story that she continued to tell people (and of course I had to provide the context and elaborate) for the next few days. Slowly the number of times she would recall that event and want that "story" to be re-told reduced. I think this happened for two reasons. One, she made sense of the story and two, other stories have filled up her life. The stories generally are related to events that have happened in the past or recently and are very varied.

When I mean story, I don't mean stories from a book, which Nidhi does refer to sometimes. But mostly Nidhi's stories are all about her world - which includes people, places, things, her toys, books, animals, birds, rain, food and everything else that she can experience. For example she will remember things that others have done for her and those will become a story that she tells. Thatha balloon oodhi - grandpa blew the balloon for me, kaathu poochu - air went out of the balloon, amma thanni oooo, nidhi thanni pluck pluck - amma poured water in the tub and nidhi played in water. And these become stories as I elaborate it in further detail. In other instances, the stories will be related to what has happened to her - Nidhi kosu kacchi - Mosquito bit Nidhi, Nidhi dammu - Nidhi fell down, Nidhi stool dammu - Nidhi fell down from the stool etc. Still other stories are related to routine events and everyday life such as Nidhi park, amma dress, Nidhi dress, amma pappap, Nidhi pappap - meaning Nidhi going to park, before that amma and nidhi change dress and put on chappals. Appa bandak potu office meaning appa puts helmet (bandak is her word for helmet, dont ask us why!) and goes to office. These days we are told by Nidhi what we must do when we make her kanji (the order of things), what we must do before we go out (bag potu - put the bag on), and she comments on our every move. amma mamam done - amma finished with food, appa bath done, etc. But the best story so far for me has been this. Nidhi dammu, amma thooki, amma huggie, amma ice - meaning Nidhi fell down, amma lifted her, hugged her and put ice for her. And this was totally her story a few minutes after she fell down in the exact same order. I was zapped!

While I had no doubt that story telling is a powerful "educational tool", it's importance and natural role in early language development is coming home to me. I don't meant story telling in the sense of a very rigid process, but as a very fluid everyday routine. For example, everyday when Satish would come back home, I would tell him something that happened that day, a story. Nidhi would listen and either repeat it, add to it or nod her head in approval :) At other times when people visit us, I would remind Nidhi of their visit by asking her who came, what did they do with her, etc. It becomes her story of what stayed in her mind from their visit. For example, anna chuttu (anna spinned) is a story for her which i elaborate to her as - yes, when siddharth anna came he spinned that toy for you and you enjoyed it. Nidhi also has a picture album of people who are frequent visitors or have spent some time with her that she can remember of. So when we look at those pictures, stories trickle in as well. This picture album is kept along with her books and she can pick it up and look at it any time she wants. Often she will want us to "read" it with her.

Nidhi's language learning (and perhaps other children's as well) has been greatly facilitated due to listening to stories of her life again and again and by re-telling them several times. So go ahead and tell those stories to children that matter to them - the stories of their lives, the story of what they are experiencing.

Entering the world of adults

Long before Nidhi came into our lives, I got interested in how children learn, grow, and develop physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I soaked up on the writings of several people. The writings and work of Maria Montessori at the early childhood ages continues to amaze and inspire me. Whether the present day Montessori schools follow her vision and idea of what she thought children need is another question. But anyone with a child must read some of her original writing, several of which are available on Amazon or Flipkart.

But back to what I wanted to say here. Montessori's basis was respect for the child who is entering the adult world and in the process of becoming one. In order to support this process, two of the many things that Montessori insisted on is

1) To create a physical space for children within the adult's world, so that they can become independent and learn to do things on their own, which they anyway want to do (as anyone with a toddler would know!) That is why many adults feel disoriented when they enter the classrooms in a Montessori based school since most furniture is at the child's eye or body level, materials are kept in a way that children can access them on their own without any help from adults, and so on.
2) To listen to children and provide them with what they need and not what we know! Often in a rush to respond to children we keep telling them what we know or want of them instead of listening to them and doing what they need at that moment. This needs a separate post perhaps, but I will try to address some bits of it below.

In our parenting journey so far we have tried to provide both these opportunities for Nidhi as much as possible (I may have not been able to do when I am tired, or exhausted, and there have been those days!)

When Nidhi started becoming more mobile and walking, exploring various cupboards, opening them and closing them, we decided to create a space that was for her toys and books. We cleared out the bottom shelves of our bookcase and filled it with her books (which on last count numbered about 50 or so and she loves reading each one of them). We showed her how to open and close the book case and she learned that very quickly. Very soon, we noticed that she would point out to us if the book case was left open by any one of us and telling us to close it. A small change that we made in the physical space for her allowed her to be independent of which book she wanted to pick to be read to by us, open and close the bookcase herself, and also tell us of how we needed to close it if we opened it :) Her sensitivity for order was clearly visible!

We began to notice many other instances when her sensitivity to order and sequence became clear. For example, on one occasion, I went to visit a friend with Nidhi, and on our way back, my friend offered to carry the bag in which I kept Nidhi's essentials. Nidhi was in tears when she saw my friend carrying "her" bag and I told her that he was only helping us, but she was not at an age where she would understand it. I soon realized that her sense of "order," of who can carry her bag, had been disturbed. I said so to my friend, and I took the bag from him. Nidhi was now happy that I was carrying both Nidhi and her bag :) A very good Montessori friend of mine said that children have a sense of order of many different things - where they sleep, where they eat, where their parents sleep, when they go out, etc etc. And this sense of order is essential for them to make sense of the world around them.

As Nidhi is growing up and developing her language (a separate post on that as well is needed!), she is able to better express her sense of "order" and "disorder." Part of supporting children develop a sense of order is for us as adults to be sensitive to order as well. So for example when I have worn my "home" slippers and gone out in a rush, Nidhi would usually be the first one to notice it and point it to me. I would usually acknowledge that I forgot or that as soon as I go home I will change it etc. Similarly Nidhi knows that when dad goes to work he wears his helmet. The last few days Satish has been taking the car to work so she will promptly remind him that he has to wear his helmet and we have to tell her thanks for the reminder and that he needs the helmet when traveling by bike and not by car. How complicated, crazy, and inconsistent our adult world is for the child who is trying to create some sense and order out of it all!

The other thing that we have done is to tell Nidhi where we are going or taking her whenever we step out of the house - be it to visit friends, family, shops or the doctor. Nidhi is told where she is going. This is another part of showing respect for the child who is entering our world. Would we ever not tell an adult where we are taking him/her, or imagine how we would feel if we are whisked from place to place without being told or prepared for where we are going. Nidhi loves being told where we are going and usually she would repeat to herself where we are going, while we are going there. This does not need much effort or time from our end. We also tell her if we know someone is about to visit us today, so she knows who is coming.

The second point of listening to children and responding to them with what they need and not what we want or know is quite a difficult task for most of us. I will probably have to write a separate post on that one, but I will share an example of a simple incident that happened a couple of days ago and is fresh in my mind. We were visiting a friend and her daughter in our apartment. After a while Nidhi said she wanted to go (poonum in tamil). I went out and was helping her put on her sandals when she started kicking the sandals in an attempt to remove them and exclaiming dee, dee, dee, and I was confused and unable to understand what she wanted. I stopped for a minute, got up and looked in the direction she was looking (she was not even pointing!) and found that she was looking at a stuffed deer sitting on the sofa of the neighbor (opposite to my friend's) house. She freed herself of her slipper and went towards the deer, held it for a while and then went to see the pet birds they have in their house and having finished her quota of seeing all the "animals and birds" walked down happily with me. All this took an extra few minutes, but it was totally worth it :)

The more I listen to Nidhi, the more we are both at peace. But there are times when it is difficult for me to listen. I hope she forgives me for those times!